What's this?

I find it hard to believe, but in some ways, I actually seem to be...(deep breath) growing up. Not an easy confession for me, but one that needs to be made, if only for my own self-realization. I realized it as I've been thinking about and planning for this Friday - Christmas! The more I think about it, the more I realize my focus has been on two main things - trying to remind myself of the Reason for the Season, and wondering about presents. No, actually, not wondering about the presents I'll get, but about those I've given, and what people's reactions to them will be. This is in part due to the fact that I am the world's worst present giver. You know those commercials about the two people who continually give crappy gifts? Yeah, that's me. If you want proof, ask my dad and sister - about 6 years ago, they had to swap the gifts I had given them because they were so mismatched.

But no, the main reason I'm wondering about the outgoing presents this year isn't just that I'm more concerned about how they'll be received. I've got a big surprise in store for a relative or two this year, and I do hope they go over well. But I also realize I already have more goodies than I know what to do with or have time to enjoy properly. I can squeeze in time (and hopefully space) for a few more books or movies here and there, and I can sure use some new jeans and a sweatshirt or two, but I actually find myself avoiding the big 'wish list' this year. Well, mostly. I will admit there's still that voice in the back of my mind screaming "LOOT! GIVE ME LOOT!" but it's not as loud as was in the past, even last year. I'm seriously not saying this to brag or anything; if anything, I'm surprised at this myself. And maybe next year I'll relapse and demand twice as many presents as I got last year. But it's interesting (and even a bit more exciting) to be more anxious over what you gave than what you'll get.